mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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