apparently the secret to your success is patron
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
