dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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