Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
