Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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