I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize