im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
