Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
