Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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