He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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