Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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