...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize