Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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