I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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