dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
