Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
