Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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