a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
