i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
