from now on my penis is your penis
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
