he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
