I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize