this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Found your dick twin last night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
