im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
