Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
