Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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