she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Randomize
