I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
