I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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