No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize