get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
