I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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