I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
