I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize