Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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