I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
