If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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