After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
