i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize