Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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