Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
