I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
