I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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