Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize