I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
