There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
