I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
