he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize