I wish I could teleport
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
