I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
