I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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