Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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