Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
