You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
