Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
