lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
