Christians are straight up FREAKS
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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