in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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