I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
