i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
