I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
