I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
