At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I forget how to act sober
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
