oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
