I smell stomach acid.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Still dying that you shit outside
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
