I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
