____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
