We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So much rum. So many feels.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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