Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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