Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have feelings that need drinking.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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