You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
