Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
