Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
