me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize