My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Can i not drive my cunt home
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
