so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize