Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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