four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
