she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
