pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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